Summer is all about vacations – mostly for the younger set, but adults can take time out for a good time every once and awhile too.
And how does one decide where to go on vacation? It seems every city in the world if vying for your hard-earned dollars, here and abroad. But all that well-spent money may be sent down the drain if you face the wrath of specifically-targeted horror film. Some of the best horror movies take a familiar location and put an unpleasant twist on things: a beach, the mountains – Eastern Europe – put in the right hands, it will make you swear off vacations for years to come.
5) Wolf Creek – Ask anyone in the U.S. about Australia and chances are they’ll mention either Crocodile Dundee or that episode of the Simpsons where they went to Australia. But everyone knows what the Outback is (hint: not a steakhouse) and people love to backpack through it. You know what people don’t like in the Outback? People who kidnap and torture them. You know what is worse? The fact the film is (loosely) based on real events – in the form of people have gone missing in the Outback and murdered. You have to admit, if you wanted to hunt for victims, a huge expanse of mostly desolate (yet incredibly beautiful) land is the place to be.
4) The Ruins – Nothing says Mexico like tequila, spring break and random drug killings! Okay – so Mexico is not exactly a tourist hotbed right now, but you would think ancient Mayan ruins would be safe. Oh, but The Ruins would differ – it seems the natives are restless and that certain ruins contain hungry, hungry plants. So even if you manage to avoid beheading and STDs, you still have to deal with evil plants with voracious appetites, as if you needed another reason to avoid Mexico.
3) The Descent – I’m no spelunker, but there is obviously an avid group of people who like nothing more than to explore some deep, dank cave. Your average spelunker is probably fine with taking the more well-traveled caves and still having a good time. In The Descent there is plenty of girl power (and in-fighting) but, unfortunately, not a lot of thinking going on. Why else would you venture into a totally unexplored cave system without telling anyone? As if Appalachia needed more bad press – I mean, Deliverance wasn’t enough? Now instead of inbred mutants you have actual mutants – as in weird bat people things that want to eat you. Next time, stick to known caves and don’t strike out on your own – bat people, just sayin’.
2) Hostel – Now, my perception of Eastern Europe (the Slovak nations in particular) before Hostel wasn’t exactly clear. I pretty much figured it was kind of like Russia, only a bit worse for the wear (stereotyping, totally admit it). After Hostel, all I could imagine about Eastern Europe was that everyone there wants to torture and kill me – and that if I’m approached by an attractive woman, it means I’ll soon be skinned alive, have my face melted off or just eaten alive. Kazakhstan may argue that Borat was a terrible representation, but Hostel is so much worse. One implies they sleep with their sister, the other implies people will torture, mutilate and kill you. Neither is something I would want to associated with, but only one leaves you still alive.
1) Jaws – They say Psycho made turned the standard shower into something to fear. Well, Jaws did the same thing for the beach – and specifically the East coast. Although Amity Island is fictional, it was filmed in Martha’s Vineyard (and the book put it near Long Island). In fact the “Jaws Effect” is a very real phenomena (even today) and while it was more pronounced following the film, even today a shark sighting can close beaches or just cause a panic. Before Jaws, the occasional shark attack was reported, but the public really gave it little thought. After Jaws, even mentioning sharks a the beach was enough to make you stay on dry land and enjoy a nice book. Not many films can claim to have that much effect.
So next time you’re thinking about taking a nice, relaxing vacation, I bet I can come up with a horror film that will ruin your experience before you get there. Not that I would do that or anything, I’m not that big of jerk.
Chris Kavan is the Community Manager of FilmCrave.com and to avoid mutants, sharks or murderous psychopaths, he suggests a safe vacation like Boise or Delaware.
