Director – Dustin Mills (The Puppet Monster Massacre)
Starring – Brandon Salkil (Bath Salt Zombies), Nicole Gerity, and Michael Blaie
Release Date – 2013
Rating – 4/5
Tagline – “Kiss your ass goodbye”
Horror films are difficult to master for all directors regardless if they are fans of the genre or not. Fans of the genre can be ruthless and extremely criticizing. Most fans only care about the finished product and pay no mind to the hard work that went in to the project. I, too, am of guilty of this but I also respect the crew behind the film. Fans often forget that most directors are working on a shoestring budget.
However, some directors have mastered the horror genre without a budget. Dustin Mills is one of those directors. His films are no-budget masterpieces that amaze me regardless of how many times I watch them. After watching The Puppet Monster Massacre a month or so ago I have been slowly collecting his films as they are released. As I wait for my copy of Bath Salt Zombies to arrive here is my thoughts of Night of the Tentacles to tie ya over.
**Spoiler Alert**The film follows erotic fantasy artist Dave (Salkil) as he lives the single life. His neighbors are constantly fucking, which is a big distraction, and another neighbor threatened to kill his dog if he flushes his toilet again (old plumbing). The only thing Dave has to look forward to is listening to his hot and pregnant neighbor masturbate. Dave has a heart-attack while jacking off and listening to her moan. He has heart surgery but is in need of a new heart. He is placed on a donor list but it is a long wait and he will most likely die before it is his turn.
One night while feeling sorry for himself, Satan appears and offers Dave a new heart. All Dave has to do is agree to the stipulations. Dave agrees and Satan removes the bad heart from his chest and places his new one in an actual wooden chest on his table. Satan tells him that as long as the heart lives so will he. That night he hears a strange voice in his house. He discovers that it is coming from the chest Satan left. His heart is hungry and no damn sandwich will satisfy it. The heart has to kill two people a week per the contract Dave agreed to. Dave decided to let the heart devour the bitch that threatened his dog and a fat perv. However, the fat perv was bad tasting and the heart could not keep him down. The heart needs a second life in order to live and resorts to eating Dave’s dog while he is unconscious. 
Aside from his dog dying, Dave’s life is starting to look up. The hottie downstairs, Esther (Gerity), is showing some interest in him and even lets him play a little hide the sausage with her. However, the heart does not like him getting close to her and tries to kill her. Dave really cares for the young prego and makes her leave. He knows that as long as he is alive the heart will continue to kill. Dave sets out to kill the heart and ultimately himself.**Spoiler Alert**
It is uncommon for a director to release multiple films and each one blows your mind. Legends in the horror genre have directed some of the best movies ever filmed, however, some have made a few duds. Lets be real, no one is perfect. Directors George A. Romero, John Landis, and John Carpenter are all guilty of this. However that can not be said about Dustin Mills. Every one of Mill’s films have been outstanding and one hell of a ride and this film is no exception.
Mills once again crafts a film to look as if it has a bigger budget than it actually does. This time around he has a solid cast that gives great performances. Though most do not have any prior acting credits they do have a talent that should not go to waste. If he is smart he will cast them in future projects. I also want to make note that this film has some of the hottest girls I have seen in independent cinema. I would also like to note that those same hotties go topless! Like I said the acting is very good, however, the audio during the dialogue is not the best. When the main character is narrating the audio is perfect. It is crisp and clear making it very easy to follow along. Once the characters interact with each other the audio is loud and sharp at times forcing me to battle with the volume.
Once again Mills delivers outstanding visual effects. I hate CGI but Mills does it in such a way that it creates an amazing visual experience. The film does not offer up much in the realm of practical effects but what little bit it does offer is good by low budget standards. Finally, the story is a little more advanced than what I am used to when watching a film of this caliber. Mills put a lot of thought and hard work in to this one and it definitely shows. The movie was perfectly written and displayed. Overall, this movie is a punch in the nuts from start to finish. Mills is a force hellbent on making a name for himself in the horror genre and the mother fucker will do it. This is one I highly recommend. BUY IT NOW!
Bath Salt Zombies is awesome too!