Saturday, October 25, 2014

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A VERY STRANGEHOUSE CHRISTMAS REVIEW!!!

xmasWe wish you a very Strangemas we wish you a very Strangemas we wish you a very Strangemas and a whole lot of dick!

A lot of cock is not the only thing you will find in this Merry holiday collection. From sexy elves, to cookie defecating ones, from post apocalyptic Santas to dirty pervy awful ones! As a fan of Strangehouse author’s I was super happy to see some new ones that I absolutely love and can’t wait to read more from!

**KAFKAS RUN (Billy Tea): Holy crap this was my favorite story and totally perfect to open the collection with. Written by Billy Tea, Kafka and his presented headed wife are on the run from the gigantic, naked man known as Santa! If you knew what presents had to go through in order to be distributed and opened by all the nice little boys and girls of the world…I seriously doubt you would ever wrap a gift again! Really awesome original concept, Billy Tea better have more stories in that fancy wrapped head of his! Don’t have much on this author….

**DO NOT BUY (MP Johnson): I guess I just didn’t quite get this one….Fuck Me Maggot filled Elmo…..for the most part anyway….
For more on M.P. Johnson : http://freaktension.wordpress.com/

**THE UNLISTED ( Jesse Reid Wheeler): Jesse Reid Wheeler never ceases to amaze with what’s inside his brain! Behind a good Santa is a supportive Mrs. Claus, so what happens when Mrs. Claus is trampled to death and never quite showed Santa how to take care of himself? Well the big man goes bat shit crazy thats what happens! Santa does not know how to fend for himself which means no egg nog and cookies for him and that just won’t do! So after expunging the pooped out cookie dough from the asses of his elven helpers and milking the fresh piss nog from their systems, Santa is now on an unpasteurized high and the next thing needing saiting his is sexual appetite….What will the end result be for our elves and Jolly St. Nick??? You’d never guess…
Jesse Reid Wheeler: https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/4673373.Jesse_Wheeler

**DEAR SANTA CLAUS (K. M. Tepe): Can we say “Malibu Barbie??” (Addams Family Values reference) A hilarious letter to santa written by a very disgruntled 23 year old. Tepe’s dry dark humor is simply spot on. Don’t piss this bitch off!
K.M. Tepe (goodreads bio): Spawned 1989 in the Midwest, the oddity began in her childhood, when her idea of playing with Barbies meant tying them up naked and hanging them from her closet doorknobs. Throughout her life, her main crushes were predominantly cartoon characters. Now, when she’s not staring blankly at a word document, Tepe is busy writing, acting, or working on different forms of art. She enjoys long walks on the beach, romantic poetry, and poking dead things with a stick.

**BLOOD ON THE HIGHWAY (Lindsey Goddard): A much much darker tale. Written like a scene from a horror movie, this story shows us that no matter the creature, if you mess with someone else’s family you will have to deal with the consequences. A desperation is felt throughout this story and a heavy sadness for the truth that is revealed. Lindsey Goddard has a very distinct horror voice and I would love to read a longer story from her. Again, much more serious than most of the stories in this book. I’m gonna do some research on this lady…need more info!

**KATHI THE SEXY ELF (Rich Bottles Jr.): Nobody likes a poser…especially Kathi. Jake is but a Santa impersonator for all the happy kids at the mall. Just like his father before him, Jake makes a seasonal living promising children gifts of varying desires. As we all know, promises from a a man in a suit pretending will more than likely end in hear ache. Well, after Jake finds out that the sexy girl Kathi will once again be volunteering as Santa’s elf, what Jake discovers about her is anythign but sexy.
For more on Mr. Bottles! http://richbottlesjr.tumblr.com

**CHRISTMAS WITH THE FAMILY (Jonathan Byrd): I didn’t care for this story. Basically read like a bad Aristocrat joke without ending it with “We’re the aristocrats!”

**THE WITCH WHO FUCKED CHRISTMAS (Kevin Strange): Nixon and Hogan Smoke Christmas is a fucking awesome movie! Very fitting to bring back Sarsaparilla the Weed Witch in Strangehouse Book form! If you haven’t seen the movie here’s a link to the trailer http://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=nixon+and+hogan+smoke+christmas&sm=3
Strange’s story picks up with Sassy herself comin back as promised to steal the christmas magic Santa possesses. But as Santa knows, the magic can not just be given away, the battle for ultimate Christmas wonder is hilarious and full of dick…

**I’M DREAMING OF A WHITE DOOMSDAY (Mike Lombardo): Mike Lombardo knows how to fuckin write. Second favorite story in here! In a post apocalyptic world, where the magic of christmas is shot, and what children do remain, have stopped believing in the Big Man in the red suit. For Kelly and her nine year old son Riley, this is not case. Riley believes and though his strength is weak due to months in a bunker with little food and water Santa can still see the faint glow of the boy’s will to live as he trudges through the wasteland with his bag of toys. Kelly can’t bear to see her child slowly starve to death and has decided that they only way to bring peace is to end his suffering with a dose of poisoned christmas cookies. The thought alone was sad and the whole time you are reading you are hoping Santa gets there soon to show Kelly that if you just believe and hold on all will be ok….When Santa arrives…let’s just say I did not expect the outcome and once again Lombardo gives you an ending that just tugs at your heart strings.
I am becoming more and more of a fan of Mike Lombardo’s work. From his films to his stories this guy is a gem!
“Howdy folks, and welcome to the official website of Reel Splatter Productions! We’re a small independent horror-comedy troupe based out of Lancaster, Pennsylvania and our goal is to prove artistic expression can involve necrophilia & chainsaws! Step right up and see some horrible monstrosities commit unspeakable acts!”
For my horror short film lovers: http://reelsplatter.com

MERRY STRANGEMAS EVERYONE! AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR!

About Kris Lugosi

Kris Lugosi

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