Humor That Proves A Point!

I hope everyone who reads this article can appreciate the humor behind it.

All I watch are horror films. All I write about are horror films. Naturally, I talk about horror films a lot. At work last night I was telling one of my coworkers how good Stake Land was and we ventured off onto another topic. My friend and coworker, Josica, brought up the stereotype that “all black people in horror films die first.” I actually engaged the conversation with her, bringing up Texas Battle’s survival in Wrong Turn 2 and Brandy’s survival in I Still Know What You Did Last Summer. With this topic in mind, I hopped on the internet and glanced over my DVD collection to compile a list of black character’s who have survived a horror film!

• A Nightmare On Elm Street: Dream Warriors (1987)

In Dream Warriors, Freddy is able to return once again. However, unlike in previous Nightmare sequels, the unwilling dream participants find they can develop superhuman powers while in Freddy’s dream word. Enter Roland Kincaid (played by Ken Sagoes), a rough teen often found in solitary confinement. He dukes it out with Freddy towards the end of the movie and survives! Although, he is killed off pretty early in the next film, A Nightmare On Elm Street: The Dream Master.

• Chid’s Play 3 (1991)

Jeremy Sylvers plays Roland Tyler, a secondary character to the primary protagonist, Andy. Do we see a theme here with the name Roland? Actress and singer Kelly Rowland appears in Freddy vs Jason. Anyway! Roland is a young recruit who is enrolled at the same institute as Andy. Roland accidentally releases Chucky from the package and is lucky enough not to die because of this. Child’s Play 3 is my least favorite in the Child’s Play franchise.

• Anaconda (1997)

Anaconda is probably the best man-vs-giant beast film ever created. It started a whole subgenre of horror films and we can thank it for all the SyFy Channel garbage we see every Saturday night. Anaconda follows a camera crew as they are taken hostage and forced to help hunters find the world’s longest snake. In reality, Anaconda is proof that the black man doesn’t always die (as seen with Ice Cube’s character), but also that Hispanics don’t always die (as seen with Jennifer Lopez’s character). See, horror films are all about equal opportunity, people.

• I Still Know What You Did Last Summer (1998)

To me, I Still Know is the probably the best direct sequel to a film behind Halloween. Julie’s new best friend, Karla, is played by actress and singer Brandy Norwood. Karla actually survives the attack by the killers, despite clever editing to make it seem like she did earlier. Interesting enough, there is debate over a newspaper article briefly shown in I’ll Always Know What You Did Last Summer that reads like Julie, Ray, and Brandy were killed. It doesn’t say it exactly, but being that Ben does pull Julie under the bed at the end of I Still Know, it’s probably that Karla is a goner in the next film too.

• Halloween: Resurrection (2002)

A black character does die in this film, but I don’t think anyone is really going to complain because the actress behind the character is Tyra Banks… Ugh… In Resurrection, Michael is pissed to find a reality show visiting his childhood home on Halloween… So, he quickly dispatches every single member of the cast and crew. The only survivors are a girl who yells annoyingly, Sarah, and Busta Rhymes, who I think should have died along with Tyra One of the most annoying characters in Halloween history.

• Resident Evil: Apocalypse (2004)

Mike Epps’ character, L.J., plays a cab driver who finds himself in the wrong places at the wrong times during a zombie outbreak. He definitely served as the comic relief in this horror film, and is actually funny unlike his other movies. He survives the complete destruction of the city only to be bitten and turned into a zombie in the following film.

• Hatchet (2006)

One of the biggest independent releases of that year, Hatchet introduced us to a new franchising killer, Victor Crowly. Tony Todd appears in this film, although he is never directly in the vicious killer’s path. He does find himself there in the sequel, though, and ends up getting killed because he’s a big meanie. It should be noted that Tony Todd appears in tons of other horror films and doesn’t die, as seen in the Final Destination series.

• Wrong Turn 2 (2007)

Wrong Turn 2 returns us to the oh so enjoyable, incest mutated hillbillies who are cannibals. I guess the two survivors from the last film decided to keep the story to themselves? Texas Battle is a character on a new Survivor type reality show being filmed in the backwoods of West Virginia. What is it with reality crews and black survivors? Texas’ character, Jake, not only survives the massacre, but ends the movie driving away in a stylish muscle car. Lucky!

Can anyone think of any others that I’m missing? Comment and let me know!