We all love the Jersey Shore (the location, not the mentally disturbed “stars”), we all love massacres at sexy lingerie parties, and we all love Debbie Rochon. So how could I not have purchased this for a little watch and review?
Title: Jersey Shore Lingerie Party Massacre (formerly: Sandy Hook Lingerie Party Massacre)
Director: Tim Beckley
Writer: Unknown, probably Tim Beckley
Cast: scream queen icon Debbie Rochon, Stephanie Hudson, Mistress Persephone
Run Time: 1 hour, 40 minutes
“Seven strippers embark on a quiet vacation at the Jersey Shore to the desolate beach town of Sandy Hook. All they are looking to do is get away from the everday grind of their jobs and the creepy patrons who visit them daily. Little do they know that they have just rented the house hours before a brewing super superstorm hurricane is about to strike while a local serial killer is posed to descend on the house as well. Can this group of gorgeous pole dancers survive both the coming storm and the fury of a perverted killer all in the same night?”
First of all, there are two very big things wrong with all the above. First, there is no lingerie party in Jersey Shore Lingerie Party Massacre. Secondly, Sandy Hook, New Jersey is far from a desolate beach town.
Anyway, my first thoughts of this flick were… well, I was ready to rip it to shreads. As someone living on the coast of the Jersey Shore, I was homeless for a month because of Hurricane Sandy and my community – and many others – were absolutely destroyed. There are still hundreds of people across the coast of New Jersey who still don’t have houses to go home too, and ruined houses are being bulldozed on my block almost on a weekly basis. So, my first thoughts were how dare someone try to capitalize on the most devistating hurricane in New Jersey history. What kind of sick bastard does that?
As it would appear… Jersey Shore Lingerie Party Massacre was actually filmed in 2000, way before superstorm Sandy. The plot accidently bares a distasteful resemblence to a real life natural disaster that occured nearly 12 years later. So this I can forgive, although I think the re-release of this indie horror flick should have been handled in a different way. I’m sure a lot of other people are going to have the same gut reaction as I did without checking all the facts.
With that said, Jersey Shore Lingerie Party Massacre was filmed in 2000, but it looks like all the B-movies from the 80s that you would have seen Linnea Quigly in. Horrible lighting, awkward camera shots, strange out of place voice overs…you name it. It was filmed badly and there are a lot of humurous plot holes. For instance, at one point the girls are inside the house with the hurricane raging outside and the waves are “10 feet high and over the dunes”; yet when the killer chases a girl to the beach its clearly low tide. Not to mention the killer uses a hook on his victims, yet it’s always clean and clear of blood despite all the hacking. I mean, that shows poor directorial skills but it was pretty funny to watch.
I understand what the creators of Jersey Shore Lingerie Party Massacre were trying to accomplish here. They were trying to bring the joys of titles such as Slumber Party Massacre back into the new millenium. Unfortunately, nothing works out in this films favor and not even the performance of the amazing Debbie Rochon can save this flick.
Avoid. Avoid. Avoid.
