I know that Hate’s Haunted Slay Ride is a Christmas themed movie and we’re a little over a month past that holiday, but I just recently had the opportunity to view it. I thought it would be nice to see some locations around my area used in a movie and I could show some support to my fellow New Jersey filmmakers. Here’s my thoughts having finished my viewing.
Hate’s Haunted Slay Ride is written and directed by Warren F. Disbrow whose 1994 flick Invasion for Flesh and Blood actually did pretty well in the indie scene. Cast members include Carmine Apicella, Daniel Bartkewicz, Lawrence Bromell, Nicole Dowling, Dan Griffin, Jenny Hill, Bret Warshawsky, Edward X. Young, Iesha Rodriguez, Joann Murano, and Randy Memoli as Detective Harley.
Apparently this title is a sequel to Haunted Hay Ride: The Movie (2008). I have not seen the first film so I really have no idea what happened there. This go around, though, it’s roughly three months since Hate’s first bloody massacre and the surrounding towns are struggling to regain their sense of normalcy. Two of the only survivors of the brutal slayings are in intensive care, but are going to pull through after many surgeries. Unfortunately, Hate is still on the loose and is already planning his next mass murdering spree. He decides to put his plan into action full force right around Christmas time and his victims will be screaming for something other than Christmas joy.
OK, so, I want to start the review off with something positive because honestly it’s hard to find anything too redeeming about this title. I think had Hate’s Haunted Slay Ride been released in the late 80s or early 90s it would have been a big hit. It has the typical VHS feel that is very reminiscent of the b-movies that you’d find in your local video stores a decade or two ago. I could even see someone like Michelle Bauer or Brinke Stevens playing the role of Mary Ann. If you enjoy those really low budget VHS, then this is the movie for you. It’s a pretty decent throwback in terms of quality and script. Only problem is comes across has way outdated and underproduced in the 2010s.
Unfortunately, the fact that it is a b-movie also lends itself to a lot of production critiques. The entire film has fishbowl audio – the term I use to describe audio that it so loud and fuzzy that it sounds like it was recorded inside a fishbowl. The special effects are beyond atrocious, not so much the gore effects and blood, but in the way the brutality is handled. Every hit with the machete has a fake “sshhhttt” sound added and the machete can decapitate a human head with the slightest of force. Like half force. Like a baby could swing the machete and cut someone’s head off. Just so laughable. The film is also way too long (but not nearly as long as the special featurette… my god…) and clocks in just under two hours. There are so many dull moments that I struggled to complete the viewing. Cutting out certain scenes or trimming the dialogue down could have really helped this film keep me (and I assume others) interested.
Still, the movie does have little glimpses of greatness in it. The killer – Hate – is a cool mix of Chromeskull from Laid to Rest and Jigsaw from Saw with Kiss band member hair thrown in for good measure. The movie has one good scare that legitimately made me jump and one or two good laughs. Then it throws in this horrible, lousy ending. And I mean horrible. All this build up and then you get hit with the most anti-climactic cop out of an ending you will ever see. Then it’s just over. No real resolve. CUT TO CREDITS! I felt like the writer/director got in way to far over his head and felt that was the simplest way to end the movie and salvage what he had left of the ending. Very let down there.
Hate’s Haunted Slay Ride had glimpses into greatness, but it never went anywhere that was even considered good. Always was a step or two (or three) below where it needed to be in terms of enjoyment. I’m going to rate it a 4.3 out of 10.
