Ghost Shark
Director – Griff Furst (Alligator Alley, Lake Placid 3)
Starring – Dave Davis (The Walking Dead, Logan), Sloane Coe (Devil’s Due, Shark Island), and Mackenzie Rosman (Beneath, The Tomb)
Release Date – 2013
Rating – 3.5/5
Tagline – “Don’t. Get. Wet.”
I’ve never been one that got excited for the Sy-Fy shark movies. They always seem so drawn out and boring with horribly CGI and a cast that consists of former somebodies. The stories are almost always the same with just the shark and location being the only differences. Several months ago I received the Shark Bait dvd collection from Mill Creek Entertainment that consisted of 6 shark movies and one bonus alligator flick. With October fully rolling I thought this was the perfect time to binge these 7 flicks. I started with the first film in the set Ghost Shark from 2013.
**Spoiler Alert**The film begins with a fisherman and his daughter who find a shark while competing in a fishing tournament. The shark eats the man’s catch so he fatally wounds it before it retreats. The shark swims to a small cave under a lighthouse and dies from the wounds. We jump forward to a group of teens enjoying the summer and swimming on the beach when one of them is attacked by a shark. The mayor and police do not believe their stories about a shark but the town drunk does. When more and more bodies turn up with shark bites three of the teens investigate the local history of the town and the lighthouse the shark died at and discover that the town has spiritual ties to Roanoke and the missing colony and that spiritual energy unleashed the sharks spirit. In order to stop the shark’s bloody rampage they must destroy that cave under the lighthouse.**Spoiler Alert**
I didn’t expect a lot from Ghost Shark and though the film is bad in many aspects it still found a way to be entertaining. The acting, story, and visuals are all bad but the movie finds a way to hold the viewer’s attention in a strange magical way. I couldn’t revisit this one any time soon but it makes me more open to check out other films like it.
The acting in this one is laughable most of the time. Even veteran actor Richard Moll delivers the cheesiest performance of his life which is really saying something. The cast just hams in up in each scene and I absolutely loved it. The story for this one is absurd but it works. I never considered that I could like sharksploitation but I found myself really enjoying this story. The ghost shark killing people while the town suffers from a spiritual presence similar to the one that many know from the lost Roanoke colony. It is a little goofy but you have to consider that before hand when you chose to go with a movie called Ghost Shark.
Finally, this film is overflowing with horrible CGI that only adds to absurdity of the film. We get tons of CGI shark and gore but those looking for classic practical gore will not find themselves in their happy place here. The CGI is very laughable which I’m sure will only add to the fun you can have with a drunken movie marathon. Overall, Ghost Shark is shitty movie fun. Everything about this movie reeks but together its a highly entertaining film. Check it out.
Mississippi River Sharks
Director – Misty Talley (Santa Jaws, Ozark Sharks)
Starring – Cassie Steele (Shark Island, Rick and Morty), Jason London (Dazed and Confused, The Rage: Carrie 2), and Miles Doleac (The Purge, Attack of the Southern Fried Zombies)
Release Date – 2017
Rating – 3/5
Tagline – “There’s a new mouth in the river”
Why just watch one bad shark movie when I can watch several? I find myself in the middle of a month long movie bender and there is no better movies to watch that cheap made on the fly horror flicks that Sy-Fy Channel and The Asylum can give us (I know this is not an Asylum movie). After watching Ghost Shark and really enjoying myself I decided to keep on trucking through the Shark Bait DVD set from Mill Creek Entertainment. The second film in the set didn’t sound as promising as Ghost Shark but it was just as fun.
**Spoiler Alert**The film follows a small fishing community as they gear up for their annual fishing competition. Tara (Steele) is home from college and looking to fish with her father but things take a dark turn when a few bodies are discovered and soon a herd of sharks is discovered in the river eating anyone that is unfortunate enough to be in the water. Thrust in the chaos is an aging action star (Jason London) who is known for a series of movies where he fights sharks. As the local officials ignore the twenty-somethings it is up to them to stop the sharks from killing more people. **Spoiler Alert**
I went into this one with one expecting the same kind of cheap fun that I got with Ghost Shark. What I got was much of the same but with a little more sane(er) movie that was just as fun.
The acting in this one is a little better than Ghost Shark but nowhere near memorable. The cast looks like they are having a lot of fun with their roles but several scenes are extremely campy and hammy. The story for this one is where it the shark movies start to blend together. Ghost Shark is able to set itself apart from others with the ghost angle but this one follows in the trend of sharks being somewhere they naturally are not. Its fun for the most part but can wear thin after a few of them. The movie itself is fun but it does run a little too long for the story we have.
Finally, this one lacks the practical effects but the CGI is shitty which once again adds a flavor of fun to the film. Overall, Mississippi River Sharks is the shitty looking shark movie you was looking for. It may not be amazing but it entertains which is all we can ask for.
Ozark Shark
Director – Misty Talley (Mississippi River Sharks, Santa Jaws)
Starring – Allisyn Ashley Arm (King of California, Mr. Woodcock), Dave Davis (The Walking Dead, Logan), and Ross Britz (American Horror Story, The Purge)
Release Date – 2016
Rating – 3/5
By this point in October I would be balls deep in Halloween movies. Typically on the 10th I would watch a Halloween flick I had never seen before and then move on to one of my staples like The Nightmare Before Christmas or John Carpenter’s Halloween but this year I’m trying something different.
This October I’ve tried to check out movies I’ve never seen before and this Shark Bait DVD set from Mill Creek Entertainment has been a blast to tear through. After checking out Ghost Shark and Mississippi River Shark I went on through the set and next up is Ozark Sharks.
**Spoiler Alert**The film follows a family who are taking a weekend getaway to the Ozark to visit a family cabin. Things start off innocently enough but when grandma is eaten by a shark while wading in the river they quickly discover that that river ways are infested with bull sharks and they must stop them before more innocent people die.**Spoiler Alert**
I knew I was going to have fun with this one but I also knew it wasn’t going to deliver anything different. I was right for the most part but this movie did offer a little more than the first two films in way of characters.
The acting in this one is solid but still extremely cheesy. The characters are way more entertaining than the previous two films but they are still just as forgettable as the other films. The story for this one is painfully similar to the previous film, Mississippi River Sharks. We once again followed people who are trying to enjoy themselves near water when sharks who should not be there arrive and kill. Nothing new and nothing really memorable there either.
Finally, we get the same laughable CGI sharks and gore with practically no practical effects. Overall, Ozark Sharks is from the same mold as the others but doesn’t really offer up anything new with the exception of more entertaining characters.
Santa Jaws
Director – Misty Talley (Shark Island, Ozark Sharks)
Starring – Reid Miller (Parents Just Don’t Understand, Don’t Go Alone), Courtney Lauren Cummings (The Collection, The Vampire Diaries), and Jim Klock (Cloak and Dagger, 6:66 P.M.)
Release Date – 2018
Rating – 3.5/5
It’s almost the middle of October and I’m reviewing a fucking Christmas horror movie and loving it. I’ve been tearing through horror film after horror film this month and with Halloween quickly approaching I’ve tossed in the Shark Bait dvd set from Mill Creek Entertainment. So far I’ve enjoyed Ghost Shark, Mississippi River Shark, Ozark Sharks, and now Santa Jaws. Ghost Shark and Santa Jaws was the two I was looking forward to the most so I had high hopes for this one.
**Spoiler Alert**The film follows an aspiring comic artist and his friend who are working on a comic called Santa Jaws. His grandfather is a loving and supportive man and gives him a special pen to ink his comics. What they don’t know is that the pen brings anything he draws to live. While fishing his grandfather is killed by Santa Jaws. His family refuses to believe him so he is forced to team up with his friends and new aunt to stop the comicbook monstrosity before it can kill again. **Spoiler Alert**
With a title like Santa Jaws I was expecting everything from this movie. Horror movies that use puns hit hard with me and Santa Jaws had a lot riding on it’s shoulders. The movie was fun but not as fun as the title.
The acting in this one is painfully the middle of the road. The film does have a few stand out characters and performances, like Scott Allen Perry, while the film’s stars are underwhelming. The story for this one is a fun one and would be fun during the holiday season. I liked the holiday puns and the usage of decorations but the magical pen aspect of the movie just did not fit well with the rest of the film. I don’t know why I’m hung up on that so much but I just didn’t care for it. Also, the movie is a bit slower than the other films in this set which did bring the movie down but it’s still a more entertaining watch than the others.
Finally, this one once again give the viewer some of the worst CGI sharks and gore to ever cross a television screen. No practical effects but I did like the Christmas themed weapons we get even though they are goofy. Overall, Santa Jaws is a fun one but the movie left so much on the table. Be sure to add this one to your Christmas watch list.
Swamp Shark
Director – Griff Furst (Trailer Park Shark, Alligator Alley)
Starring – Kristy Swanson (Flowers in the Attic, Buffy the Vampire Slayer), D.B. Sweeney (Jericho, Fire in the Sky), and Robert Davi (The Goonies, Die Hard)
Release Date – 2011
Rating – 3/5
Tagline – “Fresh water. Fresh meat”
My shark marathon is almost to a close. With gems like Ghost Shark, Mississippi River Shark, Ozark Sharks and Santa Jaws I figured the fun had ran its course and the remainder of the set would be extremely lackluster. The second to last of the shark films is the 2011 Swamp Shark starring Kristy Swanson and D.B. Sweeney. After watching movies like Ozark Sharks and Mississippi River Sharks I could only assume that this would once again pit people against sharks in an unlikely area.
**Spoiler Alert**The film follows a restaurant older, her brother, and her sister who have a bar and a gator farm together as a tourist attraction. With tourist season ramping up and a giant gator festival just around the corner something horrible happens. The sheriff is part of an exotic animal trading ring and a rare shark was accidentally released into the swamp marshes. The sheriff is secretly trying to catch it and refuses to warn people its loose. The siblings lose their gators to the beast and partner with an undercover federal agent in order to stop it before the festival goers turn into chum.**Spoiler Alert**
I went into this one not expecting much but was surprised how entertaining a movie could be when it literally spits the same story back at you that two other films had. Swamp Shark was entertaining but does not deliver anything new for the viewer to digest.
The acting in this one is a pinch better than the other film in this set but still leave plenty of room for improvement. The characters are entertaining at times but extremely flat. The cast does their best in the scenes but their character is not much to work with. The story for this one is literally the same as two previous film where we follow good people fighting sharks in an unusual area. Aside from that, the film does not offer up anything different. It’s fun but nothing different.
Finally, this film is even more horrible CGI sharks and gore with no practical effects in sight. The shark does look better than the other sharks in the previous films but nothing that stands out. Overall, Swamp Shark is another entertaining but cheap shark film that doesn’t give you anything new nor is it a waist of time.
Zombie Shark
Director – Misty Talley (Ozark Sharks, Santa Jaws)
Starring – Cassie Steele (My Babysitter’s a Vampire, The Dorm), Sloane Coe (Ghost Shark, Devil’s Due), and Ross Britz (American Horror Story, SnakeHead Swamp)
Release Date – 2015
Rating – 2/5
I finally reached the last shark flick in this DVD set. So far I’ve watched supernatural sharks, sharks in the Ozark, sharks in the Mississippi River, sharks in the swamp, and a Santa shark. As we reach the last shark film in the set I find myself drained and not really having the fun I was expecting. These movies are fun but 6 shark movies of this quality back to back is a bit of a struggle especially by the time you hit the fourth film. I wanted to finish this set and went ahead with the sixth and final film, Shark Island aka Zombie Shark.
**Spoiler Alert**The film follows four twenty-somethings that go to a tropical island for a mini-vacation when a nearby testing facility accidentally loses a shark that is not living nor dead. The people the shark bites comes back to life as a flesh eating monster hungry for humans. The facility sends a team of mercenaries to contain the problems but it turns out to be a bigger situation than they expected when the team suffers severe fatalities with only one member surviving. **Spoiler Alert**
I really wanted to like Zombie Shark. I mean, its fucking called Zombie Shark. BUT, the movie was just nowhere near as awesome as the title. The movie pretty much underutilizes both the zombies and the sharks. It tries to combine the two but it fails to fully feel like a completed movie.
The acting in this one is awkward for the most part. I know the previous films had some laughable moments but this one is a little embarrassing at times to watch. The cast completely undersell some of the scenarios while other scenes feel like a table reading of the script. No dedication or enthusiasm with this one. The story for this one has the potential to be the greatest horror movie ever made with zombie sharks running amok but the film wants to focus on the people rather than the chaos that could be zombies vs sharks. The story we do get is rather boring and a chore to finish. This is not the movie I was expecting.
Finally we get some practical effects this time around and they are uninspired and laughable for the most part and the zombies are the cheapest I have seen in a movie and I’ve seen zombie movies with no budgets before. Overall, Zombie Shark is a huge waste of time and a missed opportunity for sure. This is the weakest film in the set.
Alligator Alley
Director – Griff Furst (Trailer Park Shark, Nightmare Shark)
Starring – Jordan Danger (CSI: Miami, A Very Harold and Kumar 3D Christmas). Ritchie Montgomery (Santa Jaws, Dead South), and Thomas Francis Murphy (The Walking Dead, Jeepers Creepers III)
Release Date – 2013
Rating – 3.5/5
Tagline – “If the rednecks don’t get ya the gators will”
I survived! I was finally able to make it through the six shark films on the Shark Bait DVD set from Mill Creek Entertainment. All that stood in my way between me and freedom was a bonus film in the set. This time I would not be watching CGI sharks killing people. Instead, this bonus film is the killer gator flick Alligator Alley, aka Ragin’ Cajun Redneck Gators.
I don’t know if its because I had spent almost 7 hours watching shitty shark movies but this gator flick is far superior than the other films in the set. Personally, I prefer the alternative title over Alligator Alley but who am I to say which is better?
**Spoiler Alert**The film follows a young woman who returns home after graduating college. Her family lives deep in the swamp and is constantly fighting with another family. That family is known for their moonshine but a bad batch is disposed of in the swamp marsh turning the local gators into to mutated gators capable of biting humans and turning them into gators. The two families but stop the feud going back decades in order to stop the redneck gators or become one of them. **Spoiler Alert**
By the time I started this movie I was ready to drink my weight in cheap beer and sleep it all off. The movies, for the most part, were not bad but they were pretty shitty quality and my mind has had enough by this point. However, Alligator Alley was the high point of the set and well worth the time.
The acting in this one is another one with mediocre performances and awkward dialogue. The cast was dedicated to their roles but the characters are poorly written and portrayed. The story for this one combines the zombie mythos of pop culture with gators creating something fun and unexpected. I loved the people getting bit and turning into gators angle. Sure, its cheesy as fuck but it is still fun as hell. I also really enjoyed the whole Hatfields and McCoys angle. This was extremely entertaining and another unexpected angle. I appreciate this more than most where I am a West Virginia native.
Finally, we once again get no real practical effects but more CGI gators than we can shake a CGI stick at. Nothing special but it fits the film perfectly. Overall, Alligator Alley is the cream of the crop in this set. Sure, its rough but still a fun watch. Check it out.
