Hack

Hack. 2007. Allumination. By Brian Kirst

Reviled as one of the worst films of late 2007-early 2008 in Rue Morgue magazine, Hack is actually a goofy balls-out horror event for any genre fan just looking to have a little fun. There is nothing subtle, underplayed or particularly inventive about Hack – yet it is a blood spouting, go for broke event that even the most refined horror viewer would probably enjoy – if they would just let go and admit it.

Bespectacled, serious Emily is left in charge of a pack of rowdy college kids on a school trip on a mysterious island after their professor, Mr. Argento suddenly disappears. Of course, all the kiddies are soon being chain-sawed, shot and bludgeoned to death. By the end of the film, incestuous secrets and bloodily creative visions have been devastatingly revealed with only a lucky two surviving.

Director-writer Matt Flynn is obviously a lover of horror and he leaves no half cocked notion unturned. Characters are named after horror legends (Vincent King), movies from Saw to The Ring to the original Texas Chainsaw Massacre are channeled and horror names – Kane Hodder, Juliette Landau (Buffy the Vampire Slayer), Sean Kanan (Hide and Go Shriek), Burt Young (Blood Beach, Amityville: The Possession) and Lochlyn Munro (Scary Movie, Freddy Vs. Jason, Dracula 2000) abound. Even the college students played by Adrienne Frantz (Ed Gein: The Butcher of Plainfield) and Travis Schuldt (The Hitcher remake) have some scare ‘em credits to their names.

Schuldt actually gives a genuine, occasionally humorous performance as a brain-cell missing jock and Jay Kenneth Johnson is a humble, believable hero. Danica McKellar’s Emily eventually brings her light centuries away from her sweet Wonder Years’ performances and character actor William Forsythe literally attacks his role as a grizzled Irish hero.

Of course, plenty of sawed femurs, split blood and bodily lacerations occur to please gore lovers. Hell, there is even a surprise or two toward the ending. So, ultimately, even if you don’t think you can “hack” it, – you’re probably dead wrong!