Mega Python vs Gateroid Review

I was excited for the television premier of Mega Python vs Gateroid last night, especially after interviewing Tiffany over the weekend. And also maybe a little literally, after I got this text message from my ex girlfriend, “Debbie Gibson just squished pie on Tiffany’s titties! It turned me on, I’m not going to lie.” This is obviously moving making magic at its best. What more could you ask for in a campy little SyFy movie? Two teen pop stars from the 80s/90s, lots of guns, giant CGI pythons and alligators…and two women rubbing pie on each other. I had to work the night shift at my job, but I was lucky enough to catch the rerun at 1:00AM. Hopefully, Tiffany got to Nashville in time and was able to watch the rerun as well.

Mega Python vs Gateroid is clearly a film dedicated to depicting the delicate ecosystems inside a thriving natural park, and how just one organic or inorganic displacement can throw off the whole balance. Yeah, right. Who am I kidding? While maybe that was an underlying theme in the film, it’s definitely not the point. In Mega Python vs Gateroid, Nikki (played by Debbie Gibson) steals test snakes from a lab and releases them into the Florida Everglades. When the snakes grow and start feasting on the alligator population, a very impassioned ranger, Terry (played by Tiffany), sets off to try and level off the animal massacres. However, her plans go array when the alligators get to large from the experimental steroids she gave them. Both reptiles rage war, mostly on the city, while the two women scramble to kill them before they leave the city.

Now, let’s keep it real. This is a SyFy movie. We all know what to expect from them. Average CGI, cheesy script, weird plot, etc. Luckily, in its favor, what Mega Python vs Gateroid does have is a lot of comedy and a lot of fun. My favorite line is when Terry is in the woods with her deputy and she says, “I’m in the middle of the Everglades at night, feeding steroid injected chickens to alligators so they’ll go and kill giant pythons. What’s so crazy about that?” Speaking of the deputy, played by Kathryn Joosten, I found it hilarious that a 71-year-old woman would be in charge of making arrests. Not only that, but there were only 3 rangers for the whole Everglades? The other deputy, a male, was played by Kevin M. Horton (American Pie: Book of Love).

I also love how everyone in this film had a gun. EVERYONE. There is a party scene where all these giant pythons and alligators attack. A few women, standing there in their Sunday’s best, just whip out hand guns and start firing at the attacking animals. Another great thing about the film is how good Tiffany looks. Her acting wasn’t bad either, much better than I actually expected. One last thing I liked about this film was its silliness. A few times I was sitting there like, “What just happened? Did that really just happen?”

There are a few things I can harp on, but it’s mostly in reference to production. First of all, there was a couple driving scenes in this movie. For whatever reason, The Asylum (or whoever produced this) did a CGI background instead of just filming the people actually driving. They also CGI’ed splashing in the lake. I was like, “Really? How do you spend money CGI’ing a splash? You can do that with…anything.” Not only that, but when the actors would be driving they would be doing that stereotypical moving of the wheel every 2 seconds, back and forth, back and forth. For me, that is not realistic and a little annoying. I know when I drive my hands aren’t moving the wheel all over the place or I’d be swerving. Unless I’m doing it wrong?

The script was not at its best at some points. There was some confusion, at least during my viewing, as to what happened exactly. Within the first 10 minutes, the pythons are already attacking and I don’t feel the proper explanation was given until the end of the film. Also, no one every seemed properly scared by the GIANT reptiles attacking. It was kind of an ‘oh, ok, we gotta get out of here,’ kind of reaction. I know I’d be getting the **** out of there! The title of the film is Mega Python VS Gateroid, but the two forces never fight. Well, in the beginning, there are two small scenes of the two reptiles fighting, but they’re not super sized yet. I think a better title would have been Mega Python AND Gateroid.

Despite the negative things I mentioned with production quality and script, I enjoyed this film. I wouldn’t have stayed up until 3:00AM watching it after a long day if I thought it was a waste of my time. It was pretty good, one of the better low budget SyFy monster movies. It showcases new music from the two lead stars. “Snake Charmer,” was the poppy tune by Debbie Gibson that was in the background a couple times. “Serpentine,” was the blues/country song that played twice by Tiffany. You can buy both singles online. I think Mega Python vs Gateroid should be watched with a friend, with a beer or two. That way you can really enjoy the cheesy campiness here. It’s going to be replayed this coming Thursday. You should watch it during your Thirsty Thursday. If not, I think it will be out on DVD soon. Either way, I hope this film blows ratings out of the water like Mega Python (also starring Tiffany) did in 2010.