Don’t Go In The Woods. Ok, I won’t. Not because of the killer that’s out there, but because of the whiney “I wish I was Green Day” music that plays literally throughout the entire movie. I found Don’t Go In The Woods On Demand in the Tribeca Films section and Tribeca had endorsed Grave Encounters, which I feel was one of the top 3 horror films of 2011. So, I figured – maybe Tribeca has a second hit horror film? How bad could it be? Well, it’s very bad…
Here’s the plot summary from wiki, Don’t Go In The Woods follows: “A band that decides to go camping for a few days to try and write five new songs. The self-appointed leader of the band pushes them to cut off all ties with the outside world, smashing their mobile phones. They are surprised when a group of girls joins them. During the course of the night they begin to be killed off.”
Don’t Go In The Woods is almost like a really, really bad episode of Glee. The characters are singing the entire film and usually start right after something happens. One of the girls gets jealous of another girl and leaves the group and literally sings, “I’m usually afraid of the dark. I hope I can find the car I parked,” accompanied by full music and everything. Another scene, the killer is attacking and one of the characters is like “I HAVE TO MAKE A SONG!” and starts singing and playing the guitar while they’re trying to escape. And as I said above, the music is all really, really whiney. It’s kind of folk, Green Day, punk, whiney music. I was like, “Oh, shut up already!” I wanted the killing to start too, already! I remember pausing the movie and at minute 36 not one person had been killed yet. Just a lot of really, really whiney singing… “I’m a maaaannnn on the vergeeeeee of an iiicee aaaaaaggggeee.” (me singing) “Pleaaasee, juuust shuuttt uppp before I cuuuuut my wriiisssttssss.”
Don’t Go In The Woods is fronted by Bo Boddie, Gwynn Galitzer, Jorgen Jorgenson, Soomin Lee, and Matt Sbeglia. The film is written and directed by Vincent D’Onofrio. I recognize Mr. D’Onofrio from “Law & Order: Criminal Intent,” and he’s been acting for almost 30 years. Obviously being a very seasoned actor, it made me wonder why he would let this garbage be out there? Cinematically Don’t Go In The Woods is great. There is nothing I can complain about production-wise at all. However, the music was just so obnoxious (to me at least) and the movie was boring without any decent killing. It was just singing, then shovel to the head. Singing, then hit with a rock. I will never go in the woods again, Mr. D’Onofrio. It’s best that you leave “horror-musicals” to Repo: The Genetic Opera.