“Zombies are hot”… What? Um, No!
Actually, they’re cold and dead and sometimes they’re a little inappropriate. But that doesn’t matter. They’ve never been hotter, thanks in large part to the popularity of AMC’s hit television program, “The Walking Dead.” Everyone is excited for the new season 3 premiere on Sunday, Oct. 14, and people have zombies on the brain. Well, something like that.
But all this zombie-love raises an interesting question. What if the zombie apocalypse really happened? Would you be able to defend yourself, your family and your home? The following tips will help you protect yourself from mindless hordes of marauding flesh-eating zombie killers.
Stockpile Emergency Supplies
The CDC wants you to be prepared and has issued their own (tongue-in-cheek) zombie apocalypse preparedness guide. The government recommends that households put aside water (one gallon per person, per day), food (non-perishable items), medication, household tools and supplies (batteries, knives, radios, heat sources), and sanitation and hygiene items (bleach, soap). It’s also recommended to assemble a first aid kit and bring plenty extra clothing and sleeping bags. These items will also serve you well during more common and pedestrian natural disasters, like hurricanes and snowstorms.
Fortify The Hometurf
Remember the 1996 Michael Bay film “The Rock” where these two dudes had to break into the Alcatraz prison to save the world? You want your stronghold to be as accessible and fortified as the rock film: impenetrable and stockpiled with plenty of supplies to get you through the invasion.
If the zombies come you will have to heavily modify your house to make it a fortress. C’mon, you worked your whole life for your house and all your earthly possessions, but so what? Grandma Maggie’s priceless china won’t save you now.
If you have access to the second floor or higher, move your guns and gear upstairs and tear up the stairs behind you (don’t forget to bring a ladder). Zombies won’t be able to figure out how to reach you without the stairs, and they’ll probably wander around the first floor moaning and groaning in frustration.
Weapons
Noticeably absent from the CDC’s list is weaponry, but if there are zombies, you can bet there will be blood. Plan to stockpile a good supply of weapons and ammo, like crossbows and arrows, swords, daggers, and spears. Household items like axes, meat cleavers, and crowbars also make great weapons. If you’ve seen it in a Michael Bay movie, you can use it against a zombie.
Know When to Fold ’em
You’ll be able to make a good stand at your house, but eventually you’re going to have to move on, either to find more supplies, or because the zombie pressure is too intense. When the heat is on and you don’t think you can win the fight, don’t be afraid to move locations.
Bonus Points: if you can pick up a gently used tank or a car named Bumblebee [transformers link?]. Secure transportation will get you a long way but don’t forget to stop for gas! You’ll probably have to spend the rest of the zombie apocalypse as a vagabond, moving from safe house to safe house. Maybe Michael Bay got it right when he gave his hero in Transformers a car named Bumblebee that could both transport and protect.
Submitted by: Michael Sturman
Michael has played numerous sports and loves following college basketball. Although he’s tough to get a hold of during March, his journalism background gives him an amazing platform for writing.
