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“Dear God No!” Review

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The Impalers are the meanest bike club in the South, or anywhere for that matter. During a typical nun-abusing, cop-killing, kid-shooting spree, they end up at a house in a remote spot in the woods, where Dr. Marco ( Paul McComiskey) and his daughter Edna (Madeline Brumby) live. This is where their booze and drug-fueled antics take a bizzare turn, because there’s a secret in the basement…and just what the Hell are they feeding out in the woods?

‘Dear God No!’ is an amazing 70’s styled biker/mad Nazi scientist/Sasquatch movie (yup, you read that correctly)written and directed by James Bickert, a man who obviously knows and loves his Exploitation films. It was shot on 16mm film stock, so that grain you see isn’t an add-on effect, it’s the real thing. It has the look and feel of the Drive-In style flicks it pays homage to, but instead of being a simple retread of old-school movies, it uses the genre as a jumping-off point into its own brand of demented fun. Bickert pulls out all the stops, bringing us blood, carnage, monsters, and lots and lots of nudity, which is lacking in a lot of these so-called ‘Grindhouse’ films that have come out lately. If you’re gonna do it, do it, don’t half-ass it.

The cast does a fine job , with Jett Bryant playing, obviously, Jett, the President of the Impalers, a smart but sociopathic biker. Shane Morton ( Randal), Johnny Collins (Collins), Nik Morgan (Spyder), and Rusty Stache (actually Bickert, as Jimbo) all do a good job as the Impalers. The rest of the cast hold up well, too, especially Olivia LaCroix as Evelyn Marco. Now, the acting may not be the absolute best in the world, but considering the small number of takes due to limited film stock, I think they did well. Shane Morton also supplied special make-up FX, which look pretty damn good.

I’ve seen a lot of other reviews for this film, and there’s a lot of critics who don’t get it. You need a sense of humor ( a dark, twisted sense of humor, but still…) and a love for over the top mayhem to enjoy this film. If any of this sounds like it’s too much for you, go rent a romantic comedy with Matthew McConaghey..if a booze-fueled night of raping, killing, and Bigfoot encounters deos sound like your kind of thing, check out ‘Dear God No!’ You’ll thank me for later…or not. “Don’t be a Todd!”

Written by Scott Hall

I live in Texas, love horror and the works of Robert E. Howard, and have a large Yeti-dog