“American Horror Story” has always been hit or miss for me. I was enthralled by ‘Horror House,’ didn’t even tune in for ‘Asylum,’ watched half of ‘Coven’ and didn’t tune in for ‘Freak Show’ either. However, I caught the season premiere of ‘Hotel’ last week and I have to say… It was pretty good! The hour and a half long episode already had a lot of twists and turns and I can’t wait to see what else is in store for viewers. So, adding “American Horror Story: Hotel” to my TV Recap List. As always… WARNING: ALL MAJOR EPISODE SPOILERS AHEAD!
The episode kicks off with a shot at the Hotel Cortez entrance as two Swedish blondes, Vendela (played by Kamilla Alnes of “Norway’s Next Top Model”) and Agnetha (played by Helena Mattsson of “666 Park Avenue”), arrive on vacation in hopes of seeing famous movie sets on the back-lot of Universal Studios. They find Hotel Cortez to be a little off-putting, but they remind themselves that it is located within ten miles of Universal Studios. They enter and Hotel Cortez is huge but a little outdated, very reminiscent of the hotel in The Shining. After dinging the bell they are “greeted” by Iris (played by Kathy Bates) who asks them for their reservations. The girls don’t want to stay and ask Iris for their money back but Iris tells them the hotel has a no return policy. The room is cheap and they already paid for one night, so Vendela and Agnetha decide to stay and Iris shows them to their room. As they walk the hallways, they hear sex in most of the rooms and Iris informs them that there is no wifi and they’ll be charged $50 if they lose their room key. Inside the room, the girls find little vodka bottles – on the house – and ask where the ice machine can be located.
One of the girls leaves the room to fetch some ice and encounters a blonde headed ghost boy in the hallway along with a maid cleaning a bloody sheet. As she scoops the ice into her bucket, a bejeweled, clawed, gloved hand lingers ominously above her shoulder; however, when she turns around no one is there. When she arrives back at the room her friend is lighting scented candles and complaining about the horrible smell in the room, which apparently smells like a dead animal. They deduce that the smell is coming from the mattress and, after tearing all the sheets off, they discover that something has been sown into the middle of the mattress. They cut it open and out comes a screaming naked man with horrible teeth. Iris is quick to change the girl’s room to #64 while they wait for the authorities to arrive. Due to the heat, the girls quickly fall asleep and when one of them wakes up, they find two children eating someone in the bathroom.
Around the same time, Detective John Lowe (played by Wes Bentley of The Hunger Games) is arriving at a much ritzier hotel room on an apparent murder investigation. Police are already on the scene of the crime, and John Lowe finds a naked couple on a bed. The woman is very much dead with her hands nailed to the headboard, but the man is still alive, although his eyes and tongue have been cut out. His dick has also been super glued inside the woman so they’ll need to go to the hospital to have him removed. John Lowe also notices that the pair is married but not married to each other and deduces that a serial killer is targeting cheaters. Later that night while back at the office he is talking to his daughter on the phone when a cop informs him that he has another call. Not interrupting quality time with his daughter, he ignores the other call until he leaves and it is revealed that the killer is on the phone, saying that he’s about to strike again at Hotel Cortez in room #64.
At exactly the same time, Gabriel (played by Max Greenfield of “New Girl”) is checking into room #64 so he can use drugs in peace. We get our first glimpse at cross-dresser Liz Taylor (played by Denis O’Hare) and Sally (played by Sarah Paulson), who says that she has dibs on this one. Gabriel lets himself into the room, makes himself comfortable and proceeds to shoot up heroin. He’s in the throws of drug induced euphoria when a mummified man with a razor sharp drill penis busts in and starts to violently rape him while Sally watches. Sally says that the rape will stop as soon as Gabriel says he loves her, which proves true; however, Gabriel dies from the assault right after. John Lowe has already arrived at Hotel Cortez and Iris flirts with him before letting him up to check on the room. In the elevator, Liz Taylor flirts, too, and tells John Lowe that he can see loss in the man’s eyes. When they enter the room, no one is there… not even Gabriel’s body… and something lulls John Lowe to sleep.
Hours later, Gabriel’s body wakes up under the bed where John Lowe is sleeping. The supernatural occurrence wakes John from his sleep and he exists the hotel, but not before encountering a ghost child whom he calls “Holden.” Meanwhile, Donovan (played by Matt Bomer of Magic Mike) and The Countess (played by pop singer Lady Gaga) are getting ready for a night out on a town. They’re both clearly vampires and Donovan dresses as such, though Lady Gaga goes out in classic high fashion. They end up at a park where a large group of people have attended a screening of Dracula. A young couple meets the gaze of Donovan and he is somehow able to read their mind and tell that they are interested in a four-some. Donovan and The Countess take their prey back to Hotel Cortez and have some raunchy, partner swapping sex before the vampires tear their throats out and bathe in the young couple’s blood. They bask in the afterglow of the kill before calling house keeping.
John Lowe returns home to his wife, daughter and dog and we discover that his wife is a doctor who makes house calls and she’s running out to make some visits. John takes his daughter to a lovely restaurant where his daughter brings up Holden, his son who went missing years ago. She’s sad because she doesn’t remember what he looks like anymore. We see a flashback of the day when Holden was abducted from a carousal ride at a festival in broad daylight. John gets a text from his wife, Alex Rowe (played by Chloe Sevigny), telling him to come to a specific address. When he arrives, police are already on the scene of the crime about a break in. John tells a cop to watch his daughter and rushes inside just to get a glimpse at the killer before he/she vanishes. Inside the house is two adult men in their underwear who are hung from the ceiling by their own entrails and John’s daughter gets to see it, too. I guess the men were gay and cheating. When he gets home, his wife is pissed and wants to know how the killer hacked her phone. John tells Alex not to worry because she and their daughter will have protective guards at all time. Instead, Alex wants him to move out because she needs a break from seeing Holden’s face every time she looks at John.
Back at Hotel Cortez, Vendela and Agnetha are being held hostage in weird glow stick cages. Iris comes out and calls the girls junkies after bringing up the laundry list of drugs found in their hotel room. Don’t worry, though, because Iris plays to cleanse their bloodstream with a cocktail of gross but edible foods. The girls freak out for some reason – they’ve eaten much, much worse on “Fear Factor” – before Sally shows up with fake compassion. This pisses Iris off and she leaves the torture up to Sally before noting that she needs to do it correctly so they don’t have to explain why the girls taste like shit. With Iris safely away, Salley lets Agnetha out of her cage and tells her to “move me with your tears” before screaming at her to “run.” Agnetha takes off and hauls ass through the hotel. She is hurdling the steps to the front door when Iris sees her and begins to give chase, although she’s way too late. Just as she’s about to get through the front door, The Countess shows up and slits Agnetha’s throat, telling Iris “this can never happen again.”
The next morning a realtor, Will Drake (played by Cheyenne Jackson of “30 Rock”) and his son enter Hotel Cortez for a walk-through. Will Drake is an extremely wealthy fashion designer and he’s just purchased Hotel Cortez through a silent auction. As they depart to tour the master suit, Iris and Liz Taylor start to panic that they’ll be turned out on the street. When they enter the master suit, they’re greeted by an extremely naked Donovan who demands to know who they are before storming off to find The Countess to tell her about the invasion. The Countess is able to win Will Drake over with her knowledge of his fashion career and her class and wit. She commands Donovan to take the realtor and Will Drake to see something (I wasn’t paying attention) while she spends quality time with Will’s son. She shows him a secret compartment in the walls that lead to a huge gaming room with zombie ghost children in it… one of them being Holden.
Then we’re treated to a flashback that explains two of the major players. One day in 1994, Donovan is lured to Hotel Cortez by Sally with the promise of shooting up some really good shit. Unfortunately, the drug is too much for Donovan and he overdoses on the bed in room #64. Iris had followed him there, hoping to save her son from the drugs, and discovers his dying body. Sally could care less and wanders down the hallway, but Iris takes care of her by pushing her out a window at least 12 stories in the air, killing her. Iris trudges solemnly back to the room and discovers The Countess holding Donovan’s body, remarking “your son has a jawline for days.” It is insinuated that The Countess is the one who turned Donovan into a vampire. And the episode ends with John Lowe moving into Hotel Cortex, right into room #64.
