“I’m dreaming of a crimson Christmas, just like the one I used to know…”

Every year we have the tradition of watching my favorite Christmas movie ever- Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer! Shut up, stop laughing its just magical to me. After watching Two Front Teeth from Jamie Nash and David Thomas Sckrabulis I decided it had to be put on my Christmas eve movie list. Now don’t get me wrong this isn’t a beautiful Christmas story wrapped in a big red bow, this is a Christmas that has presents soaked in blood.

Sharp toothed zombie elves dressed in black outfits work for the bad Santa who wants to hunt Gabe down like an animal with rabies. Gabe has a problem, he is terrified of Santa. I mean he convulses like an electric current just shocked his ass if he see’s him, talk about having an irrational fear right? His hard ass cheating wife Noel has way bigger Christmas balls then he does. Gabe is just plain pathetic!

I loved when they were all fighting for their lives with a trailer of zombie elves and one gets a hold of Pete and he screams “Cock Sucker,” I laughed till my belly ached. There are also some Dr. Seuss phrases flying around just like that darn certain notorious red nosed reindeer that took down flight 1225! Two Front Teeth has blood, Ninja Nuns, and festive decorations to make you feel all sentimental and warm inside.

This movie had me loving every second of it. Clausferatu needed to meet up with Hermie the elve that wanted to be a dentist to see what he could do with those pointy chops of his. If you can’t sit there and have a good time watching this, there’s gotta be something wrong with you! Here is a film that has those pesky Christmas carolers… only they are in pieces on the front lawn.