I’m not going to say I have anything against clowns. They’re generally very jolly fellows (or women) usually they hand out balloons or comically spew out of tiny automobiles to the delight of audiences. However, clowns have a dark side.
I know this because I’m a huge horror movie fan. For whatever reason, making clowns scary is surprisingly easy. You don’t have to have a phobia against them: you can find them the best form of entertainment on the planet and still get the living crap scared out of you by when they are presented in a horrifying light.
Just in time for Halloween – there’s no better way to celebrate the holiday than by turning a beloved childhood icon into something that should be feared forever more. So here you go – want to instill some seriously messed-up memories? Take your pick:
Clown Doll – Poltergeist – I have to put this first on the list because this is something from my childhood memories that made me wary not just of clowns, but dolls in general. That grinning face – the long arms – the sheer evil radiating from it – Poltergeist is the perfect film – the scares sneak up on you and this doll is certainly one of the scariest aspects despite having short screen time.
The Violator – Spawn – Okay, this is not a great movie by any stretch. In fact, I would totally suggest watching the animated series over the mediocre film, but one thing shared by both is the fat, twisted devil’s minion known as The Violator. Portrayed by John Leguizamo (a bizarre choice)who brings both humor and horror to the role. A bit over-the-top, but one thing is for certain – this is not a clown you want at your party.
Killer Klowns – Killer Klowns from Outer Space – Even cheesier than Spawn, Killer Klowns is a cult film all the way. While adults may find this absurd, for children with no perspective, the clowns here are terrifying. Using things like cotton candy, shadow puppets and other innocuous devices to trap people – and suck up their tasty juices – these clown-like aliens are disturbing to say the least. Maybe no so much for the older crowd, but certainly for the kiddies.
Pennywise the Clown – It – I’ve been a Stephen King fan pretty much since I’ve been able to read at an adult level. King’s It still is my favorite novel by the author. This mini-series, while not able to capture everything from the book, still did a serviceable job considering it ran on network TV. One of the best parts? Tim Curry as Pennywise – bringing evil clowns to a whole new level. Like a demented Bozo with pointed teeth, Curry just oozes evil. He may have not been the first, but he’s certainly one of the best.
John Wayne Gacy aka Pogo the Clown – Gacy, Dahmer vs. Gacy, etc. – I hate to pull out that old trope that truth is stranger than fiction, but Gacy is arguably one of the more well-known and frightening serial killers in American history. It’s also a fact the man worked as a clown at kids’ parties during the time he murdered a series of young men in his home, most of whom ended up in his crawlspace. While most movies aren’t exactly an accurate portrayal of the man or events, you can’t deny the clown aspect just make things that much more horrifying.
And finally, the most terrifying clown of all:
Shakes the Clown – No, this is not a horror movie, far from it. However, nothing will mess up your kids more than this clown. This film does for clowns what Bad Santa did for Saint Nick – it makes him into a rude, crude and downright dirty character. Nothing will take the magic out of a childhood icon then by humanizing it. This pet project from Bobcat Goldthwait will ruin clowns forever – and that’s truly scary.
Chris Kavan is the Community Manager for FilmCrave.com, where the best horror films rule. He also checks under his bed and in his closet every night to make sure no evil clowns are waiting to steal his soul.
