Ice Spiders. 2007. Sony Pictures Home Entertainment. Reviewed by Brian Kirst
Alright, no chillin’, this flick (created for the Sci Fi Channel) is ridiculous. But if you have fond memories of TV films like Snowbeast and Ants and watching William Shatner heavily emoting in Kingdom of the Spiders made your pulse pound- then this just might be your kind of ridiculous. Yep – big, bad half CGI-puppet spiders are roaming the hills again and it’s up to three former co-stars from Melrose Place – Patrick Muldoon, Vanessa Williams (no, not that one – the other one!) and Thomas Calabro – to stop ’em!
To start with, the concept of huge spiders ripping apart unsuspecting skiers in a frozen tundra is kind of cool – and if your heart skips to actors reacting to nothing but an occasional costume piece a la Roger Corman’s 1950’s monster epics – then perhaps we’re batting a 1000 here! Truly, part of the joy here is watching the young cast, badly, pretend to watch their mentors ripped apart by the turbo charged beasties and witnessing Williams viciously stabbing a rampaging web slinger without causing so much as a mild CGI puncture wound.
Still, the passionate Williams should give an acting Master class in how to react to nonexistent terrors -such is the believability of her horror – and the talented David Millbern as the misguided Professor Marks (whose overzealousness brings about the mutations) practically oozes slime across the screen while also providing his character with well understood motivation and heart. Muldoon who graced such big screen fare as Starship Troopers and Stigmata is actually perfect casting for the role of the hero -downfallen ski legend “Dash” Dashiell and James Morris who portrayed the hitchhiker in The Asylum’s bandwagon jumping The Hitchhiker last year provides the film’s one moment of squeamishly decadent fun in a small, blood spurting role of a lab victim. Kiernan Daley, Clayton Taylor and cute n’ perky Carleigh King also make some frosty waves – if not tsunamis- with the little that they are given to do here.
Directorially, Ice Spiders doesn’t allow frequent horror stalwart Tibor Takacs to do much more than ably hold his ground and supply a steady hand. Still, if this isn’t as accomplished as his personal best – the creepy, Gothic I, Madman – or as screwy-fun as The Gate II – at least it is a huge step above last season’s achingly bad disaster flick The Black Hole (no, no, not that one – the other one!) featuring Judd Nelson and Kristy Swanson – and that’s something that we can all hop on a hill and “snowplow” about!
