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Cinema Wasteland RECAP

Cinema Wasteland RECAP by Bryan ‘SHU-IZMZ’ Schuessler

So, this year I went to my first Cinema Wasteland Convention and it was quite EPIC! I traveled with filmmakers Emil Hyde and Dan Kiggins, of The Landlord, and we drove the whole 5 1/2 hours, making stops here and there to relieve ourselves, grab a drink or some nutrients, or just go make a crank deposit in the comfy rest stops and oasis.

After receiving a speeding ticket for going just a tad over the limit in Indiana, we finally made it to Strongsville, OH. The convention was held at the Holiday Inn and one thing that I noticed was that the front desk clerks were some of the most beautiful women I have seen ever working at a hotel. They were continuous eye-candy admired by the men all weekend long.

After splitting a room with Pete, a cool horror fan that Dan met online and native of Ohio, we got some day passes and a vendor pass from Joel Robinson of artpusher.net. One really has to check out his artwork- it is amazingly awesome! So, I was saved $20 to spend on merchandise and not admission. I was very stoked. After cracking open a few beers, meeting up with some friends, and getting a lay of the land, so to say, we found out that we would be able to share a table with Wild Eye Releasing as long as we helped sell their films. Well, I think that anyone that has read my reviews knows what I thought of GothKill, but they had some other films that were for sale as well, one of which I am pretty interested in checking out, Blitzkrieg: Escape From Stalag 69. I guess Nazi Exploitation films always have a tender spot in my heart. This New York-based distributor was a straight-shooter and even gave me a shirt and some dvds to watch and review. In addition to Blitkrieg, I scored a copy of The Bloody Ape! As always, I call it like it is, friends or not. Be looking for my review in the near future.

One of the highlights of the whole weekend was meeting and chatting with Joel M. Reed, director and writer of Bloodsucking Freaks, one of my 3 favorite films that Troma has distributed. The other of course are The Toxic Avenger, Class of Nuke ‘Em High, and Surf Nazis Must Die. Bloodsucking Freaks is a cult horror film filled with dark comedy that really preys on the depravity of man’s sexual urges. I can kind of relate to that! The film is one of my favorite twisted and guilty pleasures. Hell, I really don’t even feel guilty anymore. Joel M. Reed even makes a cameo in this gritty and sinister film. Reed and my buddy Dan really kicked things off, even getting invited to New York. I have never been to New York and if I do get to go, I think I am going to love it!

Unfortunately, I found out that the reason there was no commentary of any type by Joel, who has so many interesting bits of film trivia and tales to tell about making Bloodsucking Freaks as well as other films in New York was because Lloyd Kaufmann and the boys at Troma offered him next to nothing to do the commentary, even though Bloodsucking Freaks has probably made the company tons of money, none of which Reed has seen after selling off the rights for a meager amount. Another little guy gets screwed over by the distributors. Troma talks the independent talk, but sounds like they walk the walk of much bigger companies. What a shame! I am not a big fan of Troma films much anyways, besides the few I mentioned.

So after Emil and Dan sold a bunch of dvds of The Landlord, we got ready for the nightlife of Cinema Wasteland. We hit the booze for a little bit, mingled with our friends and fellow gorehounds, and then caught the screening of Bloodsucking Freaks with Joel M. Reed commentating on. That was such an incredible experience and one that I will always remember. I really enjoy hearing the makers of their films give insight into the whole process of filmmaking. Now, the events that played out later that night our somewhat of a daze, as at every convention I am there to do a little “research” for the blog, but also to have a good time partying with everyone, and that is exactly what I did. I met up with some great people, having met them for the first time, and went my own way. Thank goodness for swapping business cards or I would not remember anyone’s names. I am so bad with names. But Garrett Granger of Motor City Macabre was one of the individuals that I partied with later that night and we had a blast, even if I can not remember every single detail.

As for certain parts of the night, I will leave that to your imagination. The following morning was spent recovering and watching HBO. For the record, there was not much on and I really got tired of hearing CNN talking about how deadly the streets of Chicago are. Everyone in Chicago knows- we live here. So after resting on and off, I finally decided to head out for the night and get some grub with Pete, Missy Polen of Broken Baby Dollz, and Missy’s close friend whose name I totally am blanking on-Sorry! If anyone reads this and can fill me in on some details, find me on Facebook in my links section and befriend me.

So, after meeting some more cool horror fans, such as the *smoking hot* actress in She Devils A-Go-Go, we grabbed a bite to eat in the hotel’s restaurant and then mingled with the rest of the nightlife. There were quite some interesting things going on, some of which I caught on film and took pictures of. I did get a chance to party with artist Joel Robinson, Matt Carr aka PUTRID of Putrid Gore Art (which incidentally, his new book is out now!), and of course Jon Kitley of Kitley’s Krypt who had a vendor’s table at Cinema Wasteland. I really want to pick up that Barn of the Naked Dead one-sheet…Too bad I am always broke!

The most interesting thing that I saw all weekend was this Asian chick that had to be a professional in the field of paid sex who was dressed up in some cartoon-ish dress that was doing the splits on a tower of beer cans with her vagina. Yes, she crushed beer cans with her vagina. I have it on tape for those that do not believe me. It was pretty damn interesting. I also recorded her smacking Dan upside the face because she didn’t quite understand what “posing” for a shot meant. Instead of pretending to hit him, she just hit him. Once I get my photos watermarked, I will be posting them. For now, you just have to wait.

An interesting dude I met and chatted with about tattoos, horror films, and skateboarding was Chris (or maybe Kevin) from Quiltface Studios. The dude had some wicked ink on him and skateboards so we had some common interests to talk about. In the near future, I would like to check out some of the wicked skateboard decks his company is making. One can’t go wrong with a deck that has a killer horror film graphic on it. Instant wall-mounting decoration.

Another great guy that had some severely wicked artwork was Chris Kuchta. You can check out his artwork at this link! One of his newest paintings is the Zombie 2 one, and its awesome! If I had the cash, I would have bought it then and there. If you click on the link I provided, you can get a look at it.

One of my favorite moments was when I got caught taking footage of actress Cerina Vincent (Cabin Fever, Murder Set Pieces), she called me out on it and came over to me which led me to asking her if I could take a picture with her. She was cool about it and agreed. I got two pics, but of course my video camera sucks for photos because it does not have a flash. They could have turned out better, but I was still happy. She is so smoking hot and I literally could not take my eyes off of her every time I saw her. Cerina’s creepster radar probably was working overtime at that convention- all signals leading to me! I don’t care because I AM CREEPY and I KNOW IT!

Of all the cool things happening, a former guitarist of the awesome band Nunslaughter happened to be there for the festivities. He was in the band from 2000 to 2003. How epic! He worked on the album entitled The Goat.

Of all the many cool things that they had at the convention for sale, mostly horror related, I go and buy some cheap porn from 42nd Street Pete. I got a kick out of that. One can’t beat picking up $5 porn. I also grabbed a bootleg of RAD. Now, when the hell are they going to release this film on dvd? I have found so many people that want this film on dvd, for whatever reasons they have. Mostly, because the movie is so hilarious and not really one to be take seriously.

For more on what happened over the weekend, tune in to SHU-IZMZ RADIO Tuesday night at 9 p.m. I will be going over the weekend in more length on the show.

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