When the shark attacked, I’m pretty sure I said “nomnomnom” several times during the movie. I feel that with a movie as silly as 2-Headed Shark Attack you have to make the movie fun. Unless you’re a fan of terrible CGI creature features you probably won’t enjoy this movie. This is one of those instances where I tried to work with what I had, but still ended up pretty much hating the movie.
In 2-Headed Shark Attack, a large boat full of college students are embarking on a field trip of sorts where they will learn how to navigate the open ocean. When the ship takes some nasty damage, they are stranded at sea, but soon find a large atoll floating not too far away. All of this activity in the water has attracted a very hungry, giant two-headed shark. If fending off this beast is anything like a midterm, I’d hate to see the final!
2-Headed Shark Attack stars former pop singer Brooke Hogan, “Baywatch” alumni and model Carmen Electra,”Sliders” Charlie O’Connell, and an African American girl that I cannot remember her name, but I do recognize her face. So, if you happen to watch this movie – please let me know her name! It is written by H. Perry Horton and directed by Christopher Ray. It is produced by The Asylum, which should tell you everything you need to know about the overall quality of the film.
At first I had high hopes for this film, actually. The opening scene that featured two water skiers getting eaten by each shark head was really creative. I mean, the CGI was absolutely horrible, but it made me feel that maybe this film wouldn’t be a future candidate for a SyFy Channel movie. I was wrong. The editing job with this film is just…absolutely horrible. The director of photography (if they actually had one) failed, too. Tell me, how does a giant 2-headed shark not only go unnoticed but actually attack in four feet of water? Tell me, how can the giant shark easily topple boats, but can’t crash through a shitty wooden cabin that’s barely standing on its own? At the end of the day, realistically I have to acknowledge that I shouldn’t have expected anything great, but a little attention to detail and a little sense of actuality would have been appreciated.
The script is a mess as well. It contains a lot of, “What the fuck? Why would you do that moments?” These include [caution spoilers follow] the atoll collapsing and two girls running towards the part already falling instead of higher ground, and if you saw a dead half eaten shark in the water near your boat, why would you want to go swimming? Don’t you know sharks are attracted to blood and something bigger must have eaten that shark? The cast did the best they could with the script and the deliverance of their performances. Although I must say, Brooke Hogan delivered a slightly better performance than Carmen Electra. Brooke Hogan also had the most enjoyable character role in the entire film. And to highlight the silliness of this movie even more, [caution spoilers follow] Brooke Hogan kills the giant 2-headed shark with a stick. Yes, a stick. You need to watch the scene for yourself…
It probably is my fault for buying this in the first place, but I have enjoyed creature features in the past such as Mega Python vs Gateroid and Ice Road Terror. But, 2-Headed Shark Attack didn’t even seem like it was trying to at least be put together well. Everything looked like it was on green screen, even though I’m almost positive it wasn’t. In one scene the shark bites someones leg off and there is literally no blood that comes out of the leg. Three cast members are in the water shouting, “What are we going to do!? We can’t outrun it!” even though there is a rock jeti not even 20 yards behind them. At the end of the day, this movie was just too long and was put together in such a shabby way I can’t even say I enjoyed the production value. Just a big, giant two-headed mess all around. I give cast and crew credit for their efforts, really I do, but at the end of the day this was just a “check film” for them and I hope they move on to bigger and better things.
