Ah, you know what? As a reviewer working for an independent horror website, I know that every movie I watch isn’t going to be an Oscar contender. I know that movies are pieces of art and every writer/director has a particular vision for their passion project. I know that budgets differ from flick to flick and what producers do with that budget is left up to imagination, determination and willpower. I also know that, from time to time, average movie viewers are in the need for rowdy, mind-numbing, almost pornographic fun and that’s where Alpha Delta Zatan fits in nicely. It skips over almost every aspect of production and delivers a feature length film filled to the brim with well-toned, attractive men who get hacked up by a spandex wearing slasher while they’re in the shower. Alpha Delta Zatan is a z-movie picture that has massive appeal to the LGBT community looking for a lousy attempt at horror and getting a skin flick instead. As a part of that community, I have to say that I enjoyed this movie for its “visuals,” but that’s literally all I have to offer in the realm of positive feedback. Incredible-looking men and a powerful promo team doesn’t always equate success and financial gain.
Alpha Delta Zatan started promising enough. It looked like a campy, indie, slightly comedic, homoerotic slasher flick that was styled after cheap VHS titles from the 1980’s. And here’s the thing: I’d be 100% OK with that if it kept up the allure and promise that I initially saw. Unfortunately, after the first on-screen kill, this one quickly dove off the deep end and all attempts at making a worthwhile product went out the window. The audio is atrocious and sounds like it was recorded in a fishbowl. The picture quality is awful, despite attempts at colorful lighting and filters, and almost every shot during the day is whited out and too bright. The actors are almost painfully bad and move at a pace a few steps slower than the average human body. The story content is non-existent outside of the easy slasher plot of a masked harlequin man butchering frat brothers because of a secret agenda. And on top of all of that, Alpha Delta Zatan boasts would could be one of the most obnoxious scores of all time. I see a lack of effort, not a lack of money – and that’s a problem. This one had true potential to be a break out, campy LGBT slasher flick a la Hellbent, but something went wrong during production. A lot of bad decision making doomed this title from the start.
And yet, Alpha Delta Zatan is better than most movies from David DeCoteau. While Alpha Delta Zatan is destined to send men and women into a thirst frenzy with half a dozen nude men, it at least attempts to keep the story going and attempts to keep it scary and gory… even though it fails on almost every aspect except the gore. There is plenty of that and it does look quite realistic. There are several on screen kill scenes, which all take place with the handsome men in the shower stall, and one very unexpected character gets the chop. Speaking of which, Alpha Delta Zatan contains two plot twists that were invigorating yet not enough to get me energized more than mentioning them in my notes. Again, at least they tried. Guaranteed, you’ll never want to take your eyes off the screen during your viewing, but that’s only because everyone is beautiful and equipped with a godly stature. There’s not much else to find here outside of wildly attractive, dim frat brothers getting murdered in the shower. Don’t let the promo art fool you, folks. If you’re looking for soft-core porn without sex and tiny splashes of horror, then this is the title for you. If you’re looking for a bonafide slasher flick, then I’d avoid this one.
Alpha Delta Zatan stars Jeremy Winter, Jake Kidwell, Connor Field, Drake Malone, Jared Fleming, Steven Eleazer, Warren Lee, Nico Jones and Vince Rodriquez. It was written and produced by Armand Petri and directed and produced by Art Arutyunyan. Armand also handled cinematography and editing.
Final Score: 4.5 out of 10.
One Comment
Leave a Reply