Slender Man (Review)

Director – Sylvain White (Sleepy Hollow, The Loser)
Starring – Joey King (The Flash, R.L. Stine’s The Haunting Hour), Julia Goldani Telles (Nurse Jackie, Blue Bloods), and Jaz Sinclaire (Chilling Adventures of Sabrina, The Vampire Diaries)
Release Date – 2018
Rating – 1/5

I’m not one to follow trends. I love horror but internet trends and fads are something that have never caught my attention. A lot of modern horror fans are obsessed with creepy pastas and internet dares like Charlie Charlie. One popular creepy pasta is that of the slender man. A tall, thin beings in a suit that follows young kids and teens for days before abducting them. This has been the subject of several movies and indie games along with a few amateur comics.

Last year it was announced that slender man would get a theatrical film with a solid budget. I rolled my eyes at the idea but the trailer hooked me. It looked interesting. When the film was released I reached out for a review copy and was lucky enough to get one sent my way.

**Spoiler Alert** The film follows a group of teenage girls who are having a sleepover where they are underage drinking and sneaking adult content on their laptop when they decide to try something different. They go to the deepest parts of the internet and find a video that warns those that watch it that they will be stalked by the mysterious slender man. They watch it and the next day their lives are forever changes. One by one they fall prey to the horrors of slender man.**Spoiler Alert**

A few months back I checked out the Dustin Mills’ film Ouija: Blood Ritual which was a found footage movie based around creepy pasta. I don’t really follow internet trends, challenges, or creepy pasta so I know nothing about these things prior to the movie. Blood Ritual was a bit of a let down so I didn’t expect a lot from Slender Man. Even with not expecting much from the film I was still disappointed.

The acting in this one is not that great. The cast really acts like teenage high school girls but even during the more intense scenes they still have that attitude going which is not realistic. My other complaint is that the girls are virtually identical in several ways which makes it easier for the viewer to confuse the cast. Their personalities are so close together that the viewer will struggle with the story until the midway point in the film. The supporting cast is similar. The characters are very flat with nothing that makes them stand out.

The story for this one is just messy and extremely boring. The movie moves extremely slow and the story is one we have seen so many times in the passed. It took storylines from films like The Grudge and and turned it into creepypasta. To make matter worse, it has no tension or suspense. We jump from one “scare” to the other with nothing redeeming in between.

Finally, if you want large amounts of blood and gore you might want to look somewhere else. This one does have a few visual and practical effects. Both of which were very lackluster and cheap. Overall, Slender Man is one of the biggest wastes of time I have ever sit through. I’m so glad this was one I skipped on when it was in theaters. I just wish I had my time back from watching this one.

Written by Blacktooth

(Staff Writer) Lover of all things horror and metal. Also likes boobs and booze.