My Bloody Valentine 3-D (2009)

My Bloody Valentine 3-D (2009): Reviewed by BRYAN SCHUESSLER

There are not many 3-D films that I have seen that have had quality 3-D effects stirred in the film’s pot correctly or efficiently. I would have to say that the My Bloody Valentine remake in 3-D has finally fused a decent 3-D process with a truly gore-laden and mind-numbing slasher film that takes the viewer on a wild and exploitative ride.

Director Patrick Lussier has remade a classic slasher film (originally made in 1981) and given it a modern twist with all the gore and savagery that makes a horror film for out decade worth seeing. This film was gratuitous in its gore, its nudity, and its savagery. I loved it! Within the first 20 minutes a body-count had piled up that could only rival Jason Voorhees in its numbers and inventiveness. Some may say that the film lacked style in each savage murder because every victim was killed with the same weapon, the coal-miners pickaxe, but I say fooey! Whether it was a pick-axe delicately plucking a young man’s eyeball out and shoving it right into your face in bloody 3-D or having a victim gutted and tossed to and fro like a ragdoll that was no longer cherished by its owner, the pick-axe showed depth and character in each and every kill.

The story of this film is simple and a tale of blood-thirsty revenge. Tom Hanniger ( Jensen Ackles) returns to his hometown on the tenth anniversary of the Valentine’s night massacre that took out 22 people. Instead of a warm welcome, Tom is suspected of committing the murders and his girlfriend of past, Sarah Palmer (Jaimie King) is the only one that believes he is innocent.

The updated screenplay was written by Todd Farmer and Zane Smith and originally was created in 1981 by John Beaird and Stephen Miller. I felt that as far as coal-miners on the rampage films went, it doesn’t get any better than this. This was the first “mainstream” horror film that I have seen that had a good 10 minutes of actress Betsy Rue (Irene) having sex with Todd Farmer (Frank the trucker) and then running around completely naked (neatly manicured bush and all!) in front of the camera while being chased by the killer. 3-D nudity is always a plus in my book!

The gore was great and the nudity was plentiful for a horror film. I strongly recommend seeing this film for its integration of 3-D effects and the amount of blood and guts strewn about throughout the whole film. My Bloody Valentine 3-D is a slasher film slashes its way consistently and left my thirst for savagery and gore satisfied. Now I just have to go out and see the original and compare and contrast the two. Maybe Lussier totally screwed up the classic slasher film of the ’80s, unbeknownst to me!