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Lady Terminator (Review)

51GZW9P2WSLI’ve heard about LADY TERMINATOR for awhile now so it was with giddy excitement that I sat down to behold the ensuing spectacle. Little known though regarded as the 6th member of the Jackson 5, Jalil Jackson made his directorial debut in Indonesian exploitation cinema. Not really. It’s actually veteran Indonesian schlockmeister H. Tjut Djalil who brought us the madcap gems MYSTICS IN BALI and DANGEROUS SEDUCTRESS. LADY TERMINATOR is a blend of Eastern myth and legend plus good old fashioned plagiarism. Once again Djalil attempts to make a film that will appeal to Western audiences and this time he decides to take no chances and reshoots a film that made it big five in the USA five years prior.

The Queen of the South Sea is insatiable. She collects men and sexes them up until the eel that lives in her vagina comes out and bites their dicks off. I’ll give you a second after that… Ready? Ok good. After having her way with many others, along comes (no pun intended) the man that can give her pleasure a plenty. He’s so good he can reach in and grab the eel and turns it into a dagger. Enraged the Queen flies out to the sea to wait on the ocean floor to avenge herself on his descendent a hundred years in the future. In 1989 a young and attractive anthropologist, Tania (Barbara Anne Constable), is seeking out the truth behind the legend of the South Sea Queen. This leads her to a dive to the Queen’s resting place and she is bound to a bed and a mystical eel crawls into her…and she is taken over by the Queen. From this point on the movie is a pastiche of Arnold flicks. That’s right-this doesn’t just rip off THE TERMINATOR. Keen eyed viewers will see some COMMANDO scenes ripped off too.

New York transplant Detective Max McNeil (Christopher J. Hart) is well liked and has many friends in the “special securita” force. He finds himself drawn into Lady Terminator’s path as he investigates the murders of her first victims after her re-incarnation. He is later caught up in her massacre of a night club as she pursues the descendent of the man who stole her vagina eel- rising pop star Erica (Claudia Angelique Rademaker). Things may start to seem a bit more familiar, though slightly askew, from this point on. After mowing down a ton of revelers Max and Erica take to the streets and have to escape the Lady Terminator and hide out in the woods where they consummate their love…culminating in a brutal assault on police headquarters. The Lady Terminator mows down police with cold efficiency and what seems to be a magical M-16 with nigh limitless ammunition. This scene is somehow more satisfying than the original it ripped off too. Not sure why. Might be the hardbodied rocking Lady Terminator or the fact that Djalil seems to use twice the number of squibs THE WILD BUNCH did.

Fresh out of Indonesian police, Max’s friends come in to provide their special skills-they stand there shooting as the Queen piles up their corpses too. The only unique one is the ugliest man alive wearing a blonde mullet wig and a bandolier across his chest while his dubbed dialogue sounds like Keanu in BILL AND TED. That’s right it’s Indonesian Rambo. During this final “epic” battle the Lady Terminator is burned to a pulp and continues her attack looking like a barbecued Rick James. The effect of her charred and chasing Erica is truly horrifying. Once the credits roll the shock at what has been seen creeps in and is hard to shake. LADY TERMINATOR is really a pretty damn good flick. Some scenes are even more brutal and jaw-dropping than the flick from which it was lifted!

Barbara Anne Constable does not have to worry about too much dialogue. All she really has to do is kick ass and look hot while doing so. She shows off her perfect rack as she sits topless while trying to repair her eye…seems familiar… well minus the boobs anyway. The other American actors are just there to give it a Western feel so it could play better if it was distributed in America (it did get a VHS release in 1989). Something this flick tackles is a beef I had with THE TERMINATOR. Why doesn’t he have some kind of built in weapons systems or some shit? Especially in T2 the whole has to be organic to come back through is full of shit because Robert Patrick is fucking liquid metal. This bad bitch has mother fucking eye lasers after she get hideously disfigured. EYE LASERS!

LADY TERMINATOR is available from Mondo Macabro and the DVD is loaded. It contains a documentary on Indonesian exploitation, alternate scenes, background text, stills gallery, trailer and Mondo Macabro preview reel.

Also appears on Slashers, Starlets & Sleaze http://www.ssshorrorreviews.net/2013/05/lady-terminator-1989.html